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User blog:JaphethMario/AVGN vs Kirito. Japheth's Fictional Rap Battles
I actually have an alternate idea for Kirito, Kirito in a gauntlet battle against other Isekai protagonists. But when I write “ASS-una” I knew that I have to write this battle. Plus I like out of field matchups sometimes. And if I were to do a Nostalgia Critic battle, I’d probably have him against Jay Sherman from The Critic. In this battle of modern gamer vs retro gamer, black coat vs white coat, shit getting bashed by reviewers vs reviewer bashing on shit, we have, The Blackswordsman, Kirito against Cinemasscare sensation, Angry Video Game Nerd. Battle (Note: Kirito is in cyan, AVGN is in white, Super Mecha Death Christ is in blue) Kirito Verse: I’ve heard all the insults from past critics, there’s no longer any harsher jabs to diss me It’s like beating a dead horse or hedgehog in this case when you just did 06 Link Start! And I don’t mean that pansy fairy boy who can’t say a line Cause unlike him I rock the mic harder than Mike or his micro mike I’ve reached the highest level of Aincard, while you flake out on that Turtles game ‘Cause the only highest level you ever achievedis your alcohol intake And what you got to rival my two swords? Crappy effects and a potty mouth? Once in Sword Art Online there’s no such thing as continues when all of your lives are out AVGN Verse: I need a Rolling Rock or two after this matchup, comparing you to me is off the page It’s like off brand beer vs fine wine, cause unlike you, I’m better with age I’m sick looking at this virtual boy, but I’m used on leaving red on black coats I’ll be your dog walker after I’ll owned this nostalgia Kirito Saying your name horrified anime fans, Dracula would rather drink holy water than watch your crap You’d wish that you were sent back to your past before your franchise sucked ass What kind of masochist would want to be sedated with the Nervegear that almost got him killed!? I’d smack reality back to you, but I don’t want to be called a misogynist when I beat this bitch Calling you Jesus-kun is using Super Mecha Death Christ name in vain (fuckers!) When you couldn’t revive Sachi back when all it takes is A-B-B-A So shut up Shit-rito, come back when you think something witty and abridge your shit lines And didn’t you hear from Indiana Jones? Don’t bring a sword to a fucking gun fight Kirito Verse: Cussing and dooky jokes, geez really, you’re making me bored, James Even those kiddies in Gun Gale Fortnite could step up in their game Your stale formula inspired other Game Dudes to go autistic in front of their webcam From Chris to Sammy Robbing your style, you never learn that your actions have consequences, man AVGN Verse: Looking back at the future of the genre, all of them took an Ise-diarrhea all over your Aincrap shit And a little girl came in to fix all of your series’ shortcomings I mean WHAT WERE YOUTHINKING when you almost do Action 69 to your cous!? Guess Game Genie was use for cheating, man, when you’re having an affair behind AAASSSS-una Kirito Verse: I’d watch my language if I were you, you don’t want demonetization to give you a call Screw your attacks, they’re softer than Yui that even a bunny could easily kick your wrinkly balls I’m hip; you’re outdated, looking like an aging Nobuyuki who’s still giving cartages blow So tell me Rolfey boy, where did the hair go? They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but I never see you use yours to write I’ll slice you in half with my Elucidator, like your personality ripping off Jekyll and Hyde Always surrounded by shitty video games, I’ve pity your childhood if it that tense But it’s not as sad as people only coming to Cinemasscre to watch you holler at Simon's Quest AVGN Verse: You got no guts to be the next black swordsman, you’re just Beta badass, and not the good shit I’ll defend LJN for once; at least they express more color than this wannabe edgy bitch You’ve replaced Kamen Rider for Japan icon!? That’s fucking bullshit, you’ve crossed the line So let me bust this waste of space til he’s a ghost, no one has to suffer watching Sword Anal Online! WHO WON: Who won? AVGN Kirito PREVIEWS: (NOT IN PARTICULAR ORDER) Battle # 1: (Hint: Girls being rejected and deleted) ??? Verse: Got a day dedicated to me, you're just another flavor of the month indie game I may have my existence erased, but fads like you will be forgotten down the memory lane Battle # 2: (Hint: Portable Games) ??? Verse: Don't cross me, I'm more golden than ???, and fought alongside ??? While you are stuck Five Nights by a freaking Panda Express mascot Battle # 3: (Hint: Battle Royale between lords) ??? Verse: You're just a boy, ???, who deploys his army like toy soldiers Category:Blog posts